My Mind is Telling Me Yes But ...

My mind is telling yes, but my body is telling me no. Sometimes plans just don't work out. I'm looking forward to walking a Roy Wilkins park after work with Jody!

We are eating right and trying to get our heart rate up and blood flowing. What better way to do it than a good brisk walk. Today I spent a day at work and by the time I travel home, I'm thoroughly exhausted☹️ Bummer because Jody and I are walking today! I call her and tell her I'm not going to make it. I don't want to disappoint her again, but I don't feel up to it. I've pushed myself at times to go walking, but most times I'm best after I have rested. No, I'm not lazy, and I'm sorry, but I'm physically not up to it. This is not an excuse. I really don't understand why I'm feeling so beat.

As I reflect on the last ten years or so, my emotional, physical, financial and Spiritual State, I realize that prior to 2008 I was very stable, across the board in every area of my life, emotionally with relationships enjoying raising my son, physically I felt good and looked good, traveled effortlessly and could buy virtually whatever I wanted within reason.

Spiritually, I was connected to the Holy Spirit and the work of the Lord. However, at different points I fell into traps, traps the enemy had set. Not realizing that compromise comes with a price. Still I love the Lord, but was I trusting him?

Not so much, today I no longer have relationships with some people and that is good, and others particularly with my family I am mending. Above all else my relationship with the Lord is pretty solid and I am working on it day by day. My physical condition is challenged because of the MS but I trust God, my financial condition is strained to the point I was purchasing food by credit card, and frivolously spending, as if it was ten years ago. I realize when you stay the course and do the work of the Lord, taking care of His business, God provides. When you find yourself dealing with somewhat of a downward spiral of events. Look to the Lord to guide you and strengthen you. “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”2 Corinthians 12:9 KJV

For when you are weak He is strong and by trusting Him you will be restored in Jesus name. Do nothing on your own accord but seek Him in all things. (Matt 6:33)

My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor detest His correction; (Proverbs 3:11) NKJV

Is There a Doctor in the House?

Is there a doctor in the house? When I was younger my mother was always saying “Doctors want to experiment on you”! I’ll never forget that and in fact, now that I’m dealing will Multiple Sclerosis; I understand why doctors call there work practice! Well you will NOT practice on me anymore! Recently, I was seen by an orthopedic doctor, who sent me to a hip and knee orthopedic specialist. So, I’m looking forward to seeing the specialist. I had to wait weeks to get a visit, but I figure this guy has to be good. Three days before my appointment I fell, and since then the knee pain and body aches have increased. No big deal because I’m seeing a specialist, right...WRONG! I arrived early, waited two hours, finally called into the exam room when two people walk in, a Physician Assistant and a medical student. One of the first things out of the PA mouth is this is a joint replacement hospital! I said, excuse me and why are you telling me that? As if I don’t know where I am! He proceeds to say I wanna make sure you get what your expecting. Well if you know me, I went mildly off in a firm by pleasant tone. This is how this goes, this is what I am expecting; my situation is complicated, so you need to thoroughly exam me, and make sure we check things out, I know my body and I know how I feel. Once that is done thoroughly, then we have a conversation about my options! How stupid do these doctors think we are? Okay, maybe not stupid, but clearly inexperienced! That’s why I need to see the specialist , a Doctor who has over 30 years experience and the last thing he would discuss if ever is ....joint replacement, cmon! I ask for the specialist and the PA told me, oh he’s not here l, and I said is he coming in and the answer was not today. Then why am I here! I told him I traveled from Queens expecting to be seen by a specialist NOT a PA and a medical student, no slight to you, but he is who I need to see, I waited two hours and when I came in that is the first thing you should have told me! This is unacceptable, where is the communication? Do you need an office manager, because your not organized and there’s no communication. The moral of the story is everything is business. Well, my business is to make sure I get what I need and there are not enough doctors concerned about my needs. I know there are doctors that really care, why do they call them specialists? Is there a doctor in the house?

#Lordhelp

Frustrated.

I don't understand why I am going through these changes. Changes that I did not ask for, or agree to, none the less changes I must contend with and face day by day; sometimes moment by moment.

You see I told you I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and all you see is me walking with a limp and a cane. What you have not witnessed is the many times I have fallen, how I toss and turn at night not able to get a good nights sleep, let alone rest. You don't see how I often stagger through my apartment holding on to walls and doorknobs to remain upright. You don't see the nerve pain and muscle spasms or the days when my drop foot is so weak it slips off the break...so I keep my distance so I have a chance to recover from a near miss of hitting a car.

I try really hard to watch my tone, shaping and phrasing my sentences so you don't think I'm being a prude. But no matter how delicate my approach you seem to get offended and then make my pain about you. God I really try to be mindful of others. Like when Cindy came from North Carolina to visit. She was coming to help me get my place in order because she knew what I had been through, and was getting ready for the first treatment. How I looked forward to just having her company! Sure I knew she would see other friends, but she was here specifically for me. Aren't I special!

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  - Philippians 4:13

Jody called and wanted to do brunch on Sunday. Yes that's great, and maybe we can meet after church because now that Cindy was here I could make church instead of U-streaming it! Cindy said, Lee let's skip church and go to brunch, Jody wants to meet for brunch. Let's get up early in the morning and take care the housework. Cindy to be honest with you I don't jump out of bed in the morning and I don't know how I will feel. If I get up and feel good I need to be in church, but you can go to brunch, I just don't know if I will physically feel up to it! Cindy said we didn't have to go to brunch and I said no it's okay, you can go, I just don't know how I will feel tomorrow.

Thank you for reading! Please feel free to share with someone in need of encouragement today.